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  • Richard Tattoni

Hot Scott Eastwood


I got you. You’re reading intrigued about what I’m going to write about Scott Eastwood. Sorry, but I don’t care if he’s hot or not or if he’s going to star in more movies about bullshit.

I used to endlesssly watch the Santa Barbara soap opera with my sisters because of my crush on Eden Castillo. Just last month, I learned she was a fictional character.

I used to dream I was naked on the set of Baywatch with Pamela Anderson before I got married. Now I’m dreaming I’m naked on the set of Baywatch with Pamela Anderson and my wife. I probably need to find a private beach or not seem so scary.


So why do I write? Because I'm not all there. Actually there’s Richard Scarry. He was a popular Amercian children’s author and illustrator who published over 300 books. My full name is Richard Mark Anthony Tattoni and I’m crazy and only a little scary. I can’t even publish one book. Publishing hundreds of children’s books is cheating, but I can get scarier. I have enough material for dozens of adult novels.

The Tibetan Fastball might have been over one’s head, so I’m going to try a different pitch. What about the split-finger fastball? Mike Scott made a living off the split-fingered fastball with the Houston Astros around the time Ronald Reagan invented Star Wars and Nirvana was recording Bleach for the independent record label Sub Pop. I really can’t remember if I visited Seattle in 1992 or 1994 or if I did help write Kurt Cobain’s suicide note or if I just followed the Seattle Mariners and tried picking up girls at the Starbucks in the Pike Place Market before going to games.


Sometimes my head feels like it's still in Seattle's world famous Space Needle. Nowadays, I feel like I'm being sucked in by Tralfamadorians in chapter five of 'Slaughterhouse-Five.' My wife and I are going to see Buffalo Bisons and I’m going to throw a colossal curveball next month. Stay tuned.


#Eastwood #SantaBarbara #Baywatch #pitch #fastball

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