Happy Easter

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm your April Fool....

I learned from my busted bracket not to bet a lot of money on something. I'm only going to bet a little bit of money on March Madness next year.

March Madness and music to my ears. What happens after Nine Inch Nails? The future is Eleven Inch Nails, because there won't be many nail-biters in the college football forecast. April Rain sounds a lot like November Rain, except it's louder and features a guitar solo by Crash of Sleep N' Roses. I'm not one to go, 'Oh, they're ripping off Guns N' Roses,' but I'm just saying. Winona's Big Brown Beaver is a song by Primus and Benny Beaver is Oregon State's mascot. These would be real principled problems if 'Leave It To Beaver' ran as the most (often shamefully) addictive reality TV series.

I get a little hungry. Bring back Pancake Tuesday or eliminate the day of the week. But who was Tuesday? The Tuesday god in the Latin language countries portray the day as Tiw or the god of war. Tiw may once have been the father of the gods and he was at one time the god of thunder, or may share some aspects of his identity with Thor. He was the god of combat, heroism and justice. He is associated with death in several ways.

Going above and beyond. Every great narrative takes the reader on a journey, steadily building the story and the reader's interest. The climax is the point during a narrative when the action or conflict reaches its peak. 'Beyond The Blue Kite' draws the reader in with climaxes.

What is my current stage of life? You can see for your yourself where there's rewards for life's journey. Tales From The Foot is a real project of a lifetime. It includes short stories and poetry. Some of the collected poem titles include Footpath, Big Foot, Proudfoot and The Shoe Shop. Some of the short stories from the work in progress include The Vampire State Building, The Envious Clerk and Notes From The Obese Lighthouse Keeper. And then I've got over 100 pages of outlines for another book and four more novels.

Holy Thursday! As a Roman Catholic, I believe in everything Jesus would have done. Here are the 'Top 11 Things Jesus Would Do If He Were Alive Today:'

1. Heal lesbians.

2. Pardon King Herod XI.

3. Co-star with Mel Gibson in the sequel to Braveheart.

4. Discover new remedies for gingivitis.

5. Travel to Puerto Rico on Palm Sunday.

6. Buy season tickets for the 3001 season of the St. Louis Cardinals and New Orleans Saints.

7. Boycott the home of the Whopper.

8. Rename 'Good' Friday as 'Great' Friday.

9. Enroll in courses at the University of Notre Dame.

10. Drive an electric car.

11. Record a country music song demo atop the Mount of Olives.

Don't say 'I owe you one.' Say 'I owe you eleven.' Don't say 'The odds are 10 million to one,' because it's closer than that. 'The odds are 10 million to eleven.' I'm just doing the math.

Happy Easter. May the God of Hope fill everyone with peace. See you after the holidays!

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