Letter Written To Whom It May Concern
To whom it may concern:
I swear the pervert looked like a bear.
Billy Bible said he was a former priest,
He was interesting, to say the least.
I met him while eating a juicy pear.
Billy appeared grizzly, worn by the day.
While he told me stories speaking fast.
A half-naked rambler from stories past
And I'd listen in my indifferent way.
He had no friends and lived near Lake Erie.
Billy was raised near summer beach-land,
A beach-house around water and sand,
His life after priesthood sounded eerie.
I offered him no pear or apple or peach.
He yelled “Fruit is too fruity of a meal,"
But said grace before finishing a deal.
The fruit almost caused him to preach.
Billy said, "How I love the Almighty Buck."
He said Ohio helped him buy a new jeep
In another world that was vast and deep.
In friendly Ohio, he found good luck.
Then the old man growled about Cape Fear,
Ghouls and ghosts appeared from his past.
Billy's ghost stories made time go fast,
He was drinking Great Lakes Beer.
“Cape Fear was where I wore a holy face,”
Billy said he possessed a spiritual power.
Then he tired and turned to pray an hour.
Then he told me about his teenage affair,
And I'd look down into the pit of my pear.
“Thank you,” Mr. Bible said after a long while,
But maybe the pervert was a good pedophile.
He wanted my number, but he looked weird.
I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t like your beard.”
He said, "I'm the reason why Ohio is winning."
I said, "I'm sorry, I don't like your sinning."
I'd walk away and he just kept grinning.
Please do something about the Buckeye nut,
Watching from afar he's revealing his butt.
The game is over and it's late afternoon,
I expect Mr. Bible to be dealt with soon.