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Going Bananas

Definition of Crazy by The Richard Tattoni Free Dictionary: Possessed by C.R.A.Z.Y., Crazy Heart, Crazy Train or Crazy As A Loon.

See, madness, as you know, is like gravity: all it takes is a little push. Strawberries, raspberries, blackberries and bananas are on my mind. I’m mad about fruit. I get a little hungry between meals. Lately it smells like 30-something spirit, bad fruit, feet and rage everywhere I go. But forget the trays of ageing fruit.

I never got into LSU or LSD; but I tried everything else. I even tried UCLA online. But I need to learn more about cars. I went to get an oil change at Mr. Lube last weekend and Mr. Lube said, “You need more than an oil change, buddy.” Knowing damn well, I didn’t know much about cars, I could tell by his cold stare that we were living in Canada, but it really wasn’t the true north, strong and free and it would cost me. “How much more?” I asked as he turned around and pumped the song Everybody Plays A Fool through the sound system of the garage at Mr. Lube. He said, “Well, it’s gonna need the lube special.” I could see through his eyes that he wanted to buy Mrs. Lube a new dress. I could do nothing. “Sure.” I trusted his mechanics degree and agreed to the deal like most good fools would do.

Monkey Kingdom rejoice. I spent years studying Planet of the Apes hoping one day I would evolve. That day hasn’t come yet. I’m still waiting. When I was a little kid, Davy Jones from The Monkees visited me on the elementary school playground. I was surprised to see another monkey. I said, “Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer.” I whistled a happy tune and continued climbing the monkey bars. Davy said “Thanks” and the following year the pop song “I’m A Believer” hits number one and the song sounded note for note the same as I whistled on the monkey bars that day. I called the producer of The Monkees TV series a few years later and told him that I could be the next Monkey, but he said, “Sorry, kid, but we already have enough monkeys.” Surprisingly, I wasn't a part of the TV series or The Rainbow Room Sessions. No, but I still dream of getting honorable mention for hanging off the rafters. Excuse me, but I'm going to quote Madonna because "I'm going bananas, / And I feel like my poor little mind is being devoured by piranhas, / For I'm going bananas."

NOTL Writers' Circle has been where I've been hiding on the odd Sunday. I'm reading more, "So it goes." But I don't want to overuse that fragile device. 'Trump: The Art of the Deal' is a 1987 book by business magnate Donald Trump, that is part memoir and part a business advice book. I haven't read it yet and probably never will. Maintain. Power to the people!

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