The Fart Of Fiction No. 3


Do you know where this is going? Excuse me... but I find this is offensive to stereotype fiction as reeking something fierce. This embarrassment scorches my lonely soul. I'm not really alone. My heart is full. My soul isn't empty. But writers from writers' meetings can't help purge the demons trapped inside. Can't you smell that smell? Nobody wants to be around what smells like vulgar characters from different socioeconomic levels. But Canada is great and everybody loves this polite, serious country: a salad bowl of eclectic ethnicities. I used to have a friend from elementary school that was second-generation Klingon.


But I don't write science fiction novels. I went to Word On The Street in Toronto to learn more about literary fiction in the marketplace. There were panel discussions about different topics, but it got me wondering. Just how many publishers and agents want to take a chance on a debut author writing advanced ideas? Not Relatable: Writing Difficult People, not to be confused with writing in Pig Latin, a panel discussion featuring authors talking about their experiences writing unlikeable characters. Story trumps structure or characters?


Turkey? Pilgrims? Pocahontas? American folklore from transvestites on the streets of Cleveland or Canadian folklore from transvestites on the streets of Toronto. Panhandlers mingle with you in a bathroom of Starbucks and teach you new words, because the hard-up don't panhandle the hard-up. Most pilgrims fighting to pay the mortgage on their tepee before they let it rip after devouring the leg of a turkey. The Canadian Thanksgiving is a statutory holiday with music... so good. You want to thank every colleague and writer, and every Canadian working in this home and native land. What do you read, watch or hear? Did you hear Walt Disney was a womanizer? He got dressed up and then dressed down with Snow White in Disney World and she rode Space Mountain with him before Uncle Walt conceived the idea for The Lion King? Listen closely to the soundtrack. Can you feel the love tonight with whom?


Flatulence is going to smell good to you until there's editing done on your work. I'm sharing the unedited version of what didn't make it on the radio.

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