Beyond The Rum Diary

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Happy Easter

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm your April Fool.... I learned from my busted bracket not to bet a lot of money on something. I'm only going to bet a little bit of money on March Madness next year. March Madness and music to my ears. What happens after Nine Inch Nails? The future is Eleven Inch Nails, because there won't be many nail-biters in the college football forecast. April Rain sounds a lot like November Rain, except it's louder and features a guitar solo by Crash of Sleep N' Roses. I'm not one to go, 'Oh, they're ripping off Guns N' Roses,' but I'm just saying. Winona's Big Brown Beaver is a song by Primus and Benny Beaver is Oregon State's mascot. These would be real principled problems if

The Madness

​ KFC Yum: Thank you, Karl-Anthony Towns. Limited by previous foul trouble, Towns was the 6-foot-11 freshman devouring Pirates and helping the Wildcats soar to the site’s most lopsided outcome of the day in March Madness from this past week. Hampton had a 0.04% chance of beating Kentucky. The Wildcats will have to wait to lose in dramatic fashion. According to The Win Sports Book in Las Vegas, if you take Kentucky, you have to bet 10 dollars just to win 11 dollars. Johannes Gutenberg was not a fool when he invented the printing press. In 1452, a man named Gutenberg quietly invented movable type and changed the entire world in exactly the same way the Internet is changing things. The 80s coul

Life After Mojo

​ I haven't been to Bath in a long time. Don’t call it truth decay. I’m a very honest person. I consider it a good day when the day is done and I haven’t offended anyone. This is mojo for anyone stuck in a terrible place between zero and eleven. You must realize your past failures have made you a worse person. Sometimes talking to me is a little like getting lost in a corn maze. March Madness gets louder than the big bang that started the world. I want to be part of the noise. Being dealt four aces means I don’t have to work as hard as you. I know the hand you were dealt and you’re playing with four cards between 2 and 7. I don’t have to do the math to know you’ve got a bad hand. I’m sorry a

Deep Questions

What the fuck is a query letter? I don’t know how to get a publisher to publish my creative how-to book. Sometimes I think the world would be a better place if I was a mathematician. A binary number is a number expressed in the binary numeral system, or base-2 numeral system, which represents numeric values using two different symbols: typically 1 and 1 equal 11. If climate change will seriously affect water resources around the world... does that mean Niagara-On-The-Lake and bufffalo are endangered? The “How To Get Published” workshop in the town went late. I wouldn’t put away the folding chairs, but I still got free food. Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like without my genius. T

Holier Than Thou

I'm sorry. My hobby is helping others and not you. Please don’t run a business gone horribly wrong. Be honest. Be fair. Be true. I’m currently working on the worst business model in history as a practical joke for amusement. As a hobby, I’m the overly proud owner of a fake company. Lionheart Incorporated includes the uncensored Lionheart Sound Network, WRICH 109.9 FM, WOW 87.7 FM, AM 2200, RTTV and other specialty channels. Happy April Fools' Day! When I'm feeling like Bill Cosby on a bad day, I'm creating radio shows. Otherwise I'm working at The Weather Network where I’m loved by my peers and adored by the CRTC. I’m sending out a plea for you to support closed captioning in your community.

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richard.tattoni@gmail.com / © 2015 by JET.

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